var decnumber = (Math.random())*175
var rndnumber = Math.round(decnumber)
document.write("Quote of the day:")
if (rndnumber==0) document.write('"I have the heart of a small boy - and I keep it in a jar on my desk."
-Stephen King')
else if (rndnumber<=1) document.write('"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don´t need it."
-Bob Hope')
else if (rndnumber<=2) document.write('"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=3) document.write('"A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=4) document.write('"A fanatic is one who can´t change his mind and won´t change the subject."
-Winston Churchill')
else if (rndnumber<=5) document.write('"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."
-Robert Frost')
else if (rndnumber<=6) document.write('"A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=7) document.write('"A professor is one who talks in someone else´s sleep."
-W.H. Auden')
else if (rndnumber<=8) document.write('"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it."
-Oscar Wilde')
else if (rndnumber<=9) document.write('"A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=10) document.write('"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don´t mind ... it doesn´t matter."
-Mark Twain')
else if (rndnumber<=11) document.write('"All bad poetry springs from genuine feelings."
-Oscar Wilde')
else if (rndnumber<=12) document.write('"All politicians are crooks, but democrats are our crooks."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=13) document.write('"All power corrupts, but we need the electricity."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=14) document.write('"America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won´t cross the street to vote."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=15) document.write('"An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind."
-Mahatma Gandhi')
else if (rndnumber<=16) document.write('"Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."
-Groucho Marx')
else if (rndnumber<=17) document.write('"Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm."
-Publilius Syrus')
else if (rndnumber<=18) document.write('"As a computer program, I find your faith in technology amusing."
-The PC')
else if (rndnumber<=19) document.write('"Assassination is the extreme form of censorship."
-George Bernard Shaw')
else if (rndnumber<=20) document.write('"Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=21) document.write('"Curiosity is the very basis of education and if you tell me that curiosity killed the cat, I say only the cat died nobly."
-Arnold Edinborough')
else if (rndnumber<=22) document.write('"Don´t be irreplaceable. If you can´t be replaced, you can´t be promoted."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=23) document.write('"Don´t hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=24) document.write('"Einstein said Talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence. Answering yourself, however, is a sign of insanity."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=25) document.write('"Even if you´re on the right track, you´ll get run over if you just sit there."
-Will Rogers')
else if (rndnumber<=26) document.write('"Follow your dream! Unless it´s the one where you´re at work in your underwear during a fire drill."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=27) document.write('"For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=28) document.write('"Give a man a beer, he´ll waste an hour. Teach a man to brew, he´ll waste a lifetime."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=29) document.write('"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."
-Ernest Hemingway')
else if (rndnumber<=30) document.write('"Have you any idea how successful censorship is on TV? Don´t know the answer? Hmm. Successful. Isn´t it? "
-Max Headroom')
else if (rndnumber<=31) document.write('"Here´s a question for you: If 'con' is the opposite of 'pro' then what is the opposite of progress?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=32) document.write('"Highly developed spirits often encounter resistance from mediocre minds."
-Albert Einstein')
else if (rndnumber<=33) document.write('"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
-Douglas Adams')
else if (rndnumber<=34) document.write('"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it´s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."
-Ellen DeGeneres')
else if (rndnumber<=35) document.write('"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they´d never expect it."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=36) document.write('"I don´t want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve immortality by not dying."
-Woody Allen.')
else if (rndnumber<=37) document.write('"2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2."
-Grabel´s Law')
else if (rndnumber<=38) document.write('"I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart."
-Anne Frank')
else if (rndnumber<=39) document.write('"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
-Fred Allen')
else if (rndnumber<=40) document.write('"I never forget a face, but in your case I´ll be glad to make an exception."
-Groucho Marx')
else if (rndnumber<=41) document.write('"I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."
-Woody Allen')
else if (rndnumber<=42) document.write('"I´d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."
-Tom Waits')
else if (rndnumber<=43) document.write('"If a kid asks where rain comes from, a cute thing to tell him is, 'God is crying' and if he asks why is God crying, another cute thing to tell him is, 'probably because of something you did. '"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=44) document.write('"If at first you don´t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There´s no use being a damn fool about it."
-W.C. Fields.')
else if (rndnumber<=46) document.write('"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror because I bet that´s what REALLY throws you into a panic."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=47) document.write('"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ´em go, because, man, they´re gone."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=48) document.write('"If your computer says, 'Printer out of Paper,' this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the 'OK' button."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=49) document.write('"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
-Douglas Adams.')
else if (rndnumber<=50) document.write('"In the future, everybody will be famous for fifteen minutes."
-Andy Warhol')
else if (rndnumber<=51) document.write('"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he´s carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he´s carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you´re drunk."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=52) document.write('"It isn´t necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It is only necessary to be rich."
-Alan Alda')
else if (rndnumber<=53) document.write('"It´s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?' You can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=54) document.write('"It´s fascinating to think that all around us there´s an invisible world we can´t even see. I´m speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons."
-Jack Handey')
else if (rndnumber<=55) document.write('"I´ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I´ve lost is two weeks."
-Totie Fields')
else if (rndnumber<=56) document.write('"Just when I´ve thought you´ve said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talking."
-Hank Hill')
else if (rndnumber<=57) document.write('"Life is what happens to you while you´re busy making other plans."
-John Lennon')
else if (rndnumber<=58) document.write('"Little is the number that think with their own mind and feel with their own heart."
-Albert Einstein')
else if (rndnumber<=59) document.write('"Live simply so that others may simply live..."
-Gandhi')
else if (rndnumber<=60) document.write('"Macintosh - we might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end."
-Douglas Adams')
else if (rndnumber<=61) document.write('"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as it nothing had happened"
-Winston Churchill')
else if (rndnumber<=62) document.write('"Microsoft Windows: It doesn´t just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=63) document.write('"Mountain Dew and doughnuts ... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=64) document.write('"Never ask a man what sort of computer he drives. If it´s a Mac, he´ll tell you. If not, why embarrass him? "
-Tom Clancy')
else if (rndnumber<=65) document.write('"Never judge a book by its movie."
-J.W. Eagan')
else if (rndnumber<=66) document.write('"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
-T-shirt')
else if (rndnumber<=67) document.write('"No civilized person goes to bed the same day he gets up."
-Richard Harding Davis')
else if (rndnumber<=68) document.write('"No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=69) document.write('"Only boring people get bored"
-Rules to life')
else if (rndnumber<=70) document.write('"Only two things are infinite, the universe and stupidity -and I´m not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein')
else if (rndnumber<=71) document.write('"Please don´t talk while I´m interrupting"
-Todd Rockefeller')
else if (rndnumber<=72) document.write('"Poor planning on someone else´s part does not constitute an emergency on your part."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=73) document.write('"Probably the saddest thing you´ll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it little friend."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=74) document.write('"Real programmers don´t document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=75) document.write('"Sincerity is the key. If you can fake that, you´ve got it made."
-George Burns')
else if (rndnumber<=76) document.write('"Suppose they held a war and nobody came."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=77) document.write('"T.V.: Why do you think they call it programming? "
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=78) document.write('"Tell a person there are a billion stars in the sky and they will believe you. Tell them there is wet paint on the bench and they will have to touch it to be sure."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=79) document.write('"The journey on the road to success is on the back of a garbage truck."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=80) document.write('"The only thing a liar can´t lie about is being a liar."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=81) document.write('"The problem with the rat race is even if you win you´re still a rat."
-Lily Tomlin')
else if (rndnumber<=82) document.write('"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
-Humphrey Bogart')
else if (rndnumber<=83) document.write('"The trouble with life is, you´re half way through it before you realize it´s a 'do it yourself thing. '"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=84) document.write('"There is a very fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
-Oscar Levant.')
else if (rndnumber<=85) document.write('"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
-Groucho Marx')
else if (rndnumber<=86) document.write('"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room."
-Woody Allen')
else if (rndnumber<=87) document.write('"When the support analyst says 'Click...', wait for the rest of the sentence."
-The Help-desk Handbook')
else if (rndnumber<=88) document.write('"When you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform."
-Mark Twain')
else if (rndnumber<=89) document.write('"Whenever I feel the need for exercise I go and lie down for half an hour until the feeling passes."
-Will Rogers')
else if (rndnumber<=90) document.write('"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I´m halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God. I could be eating a slow learner."
-Lynda Montgomery')
else if (rndnumber<=91) document.write('"You complain that you hate your life. That you want to be someone else. Well, unless you have some special powers I don´t know about, perhaps you should just shut up and get on with it! "
-Martian Wax')
else if (rndnumber<=92) document.write('"You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=93) document.write('"You know you´re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
-Bob Hope')
else if (rndnumber<=94) document.write('"Time is the best teacher, Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=95) document.write('"Forget about World Peace... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=96) document.write('"He who laughs last thinks slowest!"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=97) document.write('"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=98) document.write('"There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can´t"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=99) document.write('"There are 3 kinds of people: those who finish thoughts & those who."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=100) document.write('"Why is ´abbreviation´ such a long word?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=101) document.write('"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=102) document.write('"Don´t you hate it when Halloween is on Friday the 13th? Think about it."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=103) document.write('"Dinner is like a box of chocolates, you pick and take bites of what you like, leaving some to be thrown away."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=104) document.write('"Time wounds all heals."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=105) document.write('"Live every day as if it is your last. One day you´ll be right."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=106) document.write('"Can not find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=107) document.write('"COFFEE.EXE missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=108) document.write('"Ethernet: Something used to catch the etherbunny."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=109) document.write('"A computer´s attention span is as long as its power cord."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=110) document.write('"A computer´s communication skills has the equation: PowerCord+Keyboard. In terms of decipals, pick up the phone."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=111) document.write('"ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSII."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=112) document.write('"Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=113) document.write('"Why do you need a driver´s license to buy liquor when you can´t drink and drive?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=114) document.write('"Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=115) document.write('"If 7-11 is open 24 hrs. a day, 7 days a week, and open on holidays, why do they have locks on the doors?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=116) document.write('"Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=117) document.write('"If you are driving the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=118) document.write('"If a book about failures doesn´t sell, is it a success?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=119) document.write('"The source of life is no farther than the planet of the apes."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=120) document.write('"You know you are when your name interchanably changes to what a peanut is not."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=121) document.write('"Megahertz is in a format that increases in parallel to IQ."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=122) document.write('"How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? It can´t be done; it´s a hardware problem."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=123) document.write('"When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it´s probably obsolete."
-Murphy´s Laws of Computing')
else if (rndnumber<=124) document.write('"To fall asleep is human, and to blame ones self when there is a problem is computer."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=125) document.write('"If you blame windows, restart. If it comes back to you then you know it was meant to be."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=126) document.write('"Programming: The art of debugging an empty file."
-Jargon File')
else if (rndnumber<=127) document.write('"Multitasking: The sole ability of a god."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=128) document.write('"A logician trying to explain logic to a programmer is like a cat trying to explain to a fish what it´s like to get wet."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=129) document.write('"Programming converts caffeine into code at 3 units per hour."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=130) document.write('"The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim."
-Edsgar W. Dijkstra')
else if (rndnumber<=131) document.write('"Question: ((bb) || !(bb))"
-Shakespeare')
else if (rndnumber<=132) document.write('"Windows is user-friendly. The only problem is that it´s very selective about who it considers friends."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=133) document.write('"My software never has bugs. It just develops random features."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=134) document.write('"Programmers are distinguishable in three groups: novice, expert and nolongerinthebuisness."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=135) document.write('"Novice User: A person who is afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer."
-Jargon File.')
else if (rndnumber<=136) document.write('"Back up my hard disk? I can´t find the reverse switch!"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=137) document.write('"When life gives you lemons, JUST EAT THE DAMN LEMONS!"
-Harry Solomon')
else if (rndnumber<=138) document.write('"The unexamined life is not worth living."
-Socrates')
else if (rndnumber<=139) document.write('"The most hurtful thing you can hold from yourself is to possess the inability to laugh at the self."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=140) document.write('"When Windows boots, and your speakers are off, does it make a sound?"
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=141) document.write('"When a picture is taken, the photographer is the only person who does not need to dress up."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=142) document.write('"People become more like themselves"
-David Gelernter')
else if (rndnumber<=143) document.write('"The best thing that can come from stealing a Pinto is having to own a Pinto."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=144) document.write('"C program run. C program crash. C programmer cry."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=145) document.write('"A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren´t broken."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=146) document.write('"USER ERROR: replace user and press any key to continue."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=147) document.write('"If only women came with pull-down menus and online help."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=148) document.write('"Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once..."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=149) document.write('"WOMEN.ZIP: A great program, but it doesn´t come with documentation..."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=150) document.write('"Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=151) document.write('"Buy a Pentium 4 so you can reboot faster."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=152) document.write('"Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=153) document.write('"Why doesn´t DOS ever say ´EXCELLENT command or filename!´?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=154) document.write('"File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=155) document.write('"Who´s General Failure & why´s he reading my disk?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=156) document.write('"Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=157) document.write('"(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?"
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=158) document.write('"Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=159) document.write('"Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke"
-Obi Wan Gates')
else if (rndnumber<=160) document.write('"If you can´t make it good, make it LOOK good."
-B. Gates')
else if (rndnumber<=161) document.write('"The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=162) document.write('"Defination of a computer: A device designed to speed up and automate errors."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=163) document.write('"Error! No mouse detected. Click here to continue."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=164) document.write('"Windows loaded. System in danger."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=165) document.write('"No errors detected. Yet..."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=166) document.write('"Windows Closed. You can´t look outside now."
-Anonymous')
else if (rndnumber<=167) document.write('"Arrogance is self confidence projected outward."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=168) document.write('"You can judge a society by how it treats the individuals at the bottom."
-Hertz')
else if (rndnumber<=169) document.write('"Marge, anyone could miss Canada -- all tucked away down there."
-Homer Simpson')
else if (rndnumber<=170) document.write('"It´s BTO -- they´re Canada´s answer to ELP. Their big hit was TCB. That´s how we talked in the 70´s. We didn´t have a moment to spare."
-Homer Simpson')
else if (rndnumber<=171) document.write('"You should drive though deer country without your headlights on, that way they don´t see you and wont be in the way."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=172) document.write('"Stupid questions are never asked if their answers are remembered."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=173) document.write('"Money grows on trees, but you have to get it yourself."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=174) document.write('"Perhaps its the lifeless objects--who know to stop for eternity to smell the roses--who are the ones truly living."
-Wadlo')
else if (rndnumber<=175) document.write('"if the moon was made of barbeque spare ribs, would ya eat it? Hell i would, i´d have seconds..."
-SNL')
document.write("
")